Obsessions

Ahhhhhhh yeaaaaa, boi! It's Hump Day, y'all! Not that you did not already know this. I know you dolls are just like me and love knowing we're half way through this week! 

And woah, holy last day of July, am I right? It's almost August and you know what that means....we're almost to my birthday month, September, bay bay! But for reals, I love Summer and all, but mama also loves her scarf/legging/boot weather. Fall is my FAVORITE. Hands down. If you've been a long time follower, I shall spare you the repeat on facts. Y'all know I love it already. (Side note: should I do a Q&A about myself for the newbies? Maybe a refresher course for the long time followers?)

So this is a topic I've been mulling over for a bit: Body image and what exactly I want. Im gonna link this up with Miss Skinny Meg (Now known as Preggy Meg) since this is workout related.....

Let me start from the beginning real quick: In 2007/2008ish I started my weight loss journey. I  started walking on my treadmill @ my apartment complex every morning for about an hour. Then started the workout Dvds such as 30 Day Shred (Silly Jilly is my bestest frenemy), Biggest Loser Bootcamp, Yoga, etc.  I signed up with sparkpeople.com to track calories & joined a gym, did cardio and some light weights. I lost about 25-30lb's. 

Now, fast forward to today. I am a bit more educated in the nutrition and workout department. I got my PT certification and became passionate about working out. It changed my life. Now, I am in the gym switching up my cardio between HIIT and steady states of cardio and Im lifting heavy 3-4 times a week. My diet is what I'd say 80/20 clean ratio because its what works for me. 

As y'all know, Im on Instagram (follow me! ktaylor84) . I follow a lot of VERY motivational women and accounts that are sure to make me push it harder in the gym with their images burned in my brain. A lot of these women are figure/bikini competitors and are ON POINT with their diets and workouts. Their meals are calculated to the 'T' and there are no days off for them. If I was going to be on stage, I would be making sure no crap passed my lips either. But here's the thing....Im not going on any stage (this was decided after a talk with the hubs...I would like to do it one day, but he's just not ok with it and I can respect it). So these women, I get MAJOR workout tips from. I also would get eating ideas from them. So I started to eat SUPER healthy just like them. Think: lightly seasoned ground turkey, tilapia, broccoli, asparagus, sweet potatoes, oatmeal, egg whites, brown rice, etc. And while I STILL do eat these things on a weekly basis, it became an UNHEALTHY addiction for me on how much I stressed. I was so concerned over making sure I ate only these things, that it was becoming an obsession. I was also becoming cranky because I felt like I could never eat crap food and sorry Im not sorry, I love me some junk. 

Nick would want Chinese food or Taco Bell or pizza (things I LOVE) for dinner, and I would get anxiety because I felt like all my hard work was going down the drain & I was going to ruin those abs, and I was going to gain 10lbs, and blah blah blah. Obviously these things are TOTAL & COMPLETE splurges/cheat meals/gut bombs or whatever you wanna call them, but they're foods I will be faced with my whole life. My husband isn't a gym rat like me & I love him, so why is it fair that I be a stick in the mud because I want to eat uber strict and he doesn't? Plus, I really did want that pizza! That's when I had to have a little heart to heart with myself about the anxiety. I had to be practical. I am NOT a competitor, never will be (unless Nick has a change of heart haha), I could NOT go without having wine or beer (hello, Im a MOM! Need something to take that edge off the day), I LOVE eating and I LOVE Taco Bell. I will never ever stop eating that. Sorry if that makes some people cringe, but I love it. I also work my ass off in the gym and eat really clean on the weekdays. I eat what those competitors eat M-F, but my dinners are something Nick will like, and I sometimes have a glass of wine or a beer.  And if Nick wants junk food or if, gasp, *I* want those junk foods during the week? I have them! In moderation, but I have them. The life I lead, doesn't require me to have minimal body fat, so Im not too worried about it. Would it be nice to have those bodies I see? Sure! But how I eat/workout now, I dont feel deprived or stressed out, which makes momma a happy panda.

So realizing all these bullet helped me sort of calm down. I think some of us tend to get so wrapped up in what other people are doing and seeing so much success, that we fail to realize what's happening in their life, doesn't pertain to ours. What works for someone else, may not work for you. Its all about balance.