Test

In life we go through many tests - math tests, driver liscence test, testing of patience, test of faith, testing of limits... I feel like lately I have been put through a ringer of tests. My sweet boy is THE test and God is the test giver.

I pray for patience, and in a way I believe God puts me situations that I will have to gain patience...I will have to LEARN patience. I have never been a patient person. I want what I want and I want it at that moment. I didn't want to have to be patient with someone elses' needs. I was never someone who could be patient when there was a screaming baby on a plane - I wanted the mom to shsh that child up ASAP. Well, the tables have turned, and I have more patience for that screaming baby and mother. I have sympathy and understanding. For the past week, it's either a great day with Troy, or he's an absolute mess. The shots have amplified it. He was not this bad with his 2 month shots. Today was a horrible day. Absolutely terrible. Every time I tried to give him his bottle, he's push it out with his tongue as if I was trying to posion him. He didn't want to lay down, he didn't want to sit, didn't want to stand (assisted of course), he didn't want to play, he didn't want to NAP and if he did nap (the 2 times he did...) it was for 15 minutes and after 45 minutes of bloody murder screaming. He's been pooping regualary, so that isn't an issue, he isn't running a fever, so that it isn't an issue...but he is waking up around midnight every night for the past couple of days and will continue to wake up every 2 hours until it's time to get up for the day. Patience is a virtue, this too shall pass, and all those other good things are being repeated CONSTANTLY in my mind. I love my little man dearly, mama just wants some normalcy again.

Moving on to my next "test". Test of faith. When someone insults you as a human being over and over again, you want nothing more than to either, A) KICK THEIR ASS to a bloody pulp, B) Confront them and scream obscenities and THEN continue with option A, or C). Put their name on blast on Facebook. BUT, before you have to do any of these things, you have to do the adult thing and think of consequences. You have to have FAITH that they will get theres...and if your a religious person, believe that one day they will have to stand in front of God and answer to every evil sinful word and action they have said/committed. My faith is being tested. Without going into too much of the details, there is an EX family member that continues to hurt and insult every single person in my immediate family - my hubbs and I included. I don't have the PATIENCE for people like this. I was/am not the person to turn the other cheek. I want to sock them in their cheek. But I have to TRUST that all will be right in the end. I have to have FAITH that the judge of all judges, will hold this person accountable for their actions and anything you could do, can't come close.

Yup, a "Deep" post, but I had to vent. The end...