Diahrrea of the mouth

Workout today will be 4.5 miles on Tread and who knows after that- maybe some strength training with my legs (MY FAV!).

So- the reason for my absence. I am just going to number the things that have been going on in no particular order cause it'll be easier for me.

#1. On Monday morning, I took my 11 year old baby, Daisy Mae, out to potty like we do every morning (and afternoon, and night), and I noticed she couldn't poop(for a lack of a better word). She would strain and strain and got nothing. I figured she might just be constipated, which would still be odd cause her food hadn't changed at all and she was still drinking a lot of water. So all of Monday she didn't have a bowl movement. Tuesday, the same thing happened when I took her out throughout the day- she would strain would she had to poop and nothing would come out. It was then I noticed a largeish mass on top of her left butt cheek. Being the girl who grew up on 5 acres with tons of animal's that I am, I wasn't bothered one bit to touch it to feel what it was. It was very firm and since Daisy yelped so loud when I did touch it, I could tell it was sensitive to the poor thing. Wednesday morning I called a vet who came highly recommended by friends, and brought her in. After poking and prodding and 1 very painful (to have done and to witness) rectal exam (on Daisy, not me, lol!), the vet said he was concerned it was a cancer mass on her anal glands. Normally a dog her size the anal glands are the size of garbanzo beans (will never look at one the same), and hers are the size of a very small crab apple. Long story short, he took a fluid sample from it and said he would send it off to the lab to figure out if it was just an abscess that was extremely infected or if it was the worst: cancer. You can imagine the state I was in driving home with my baby on my lap, crying and praying and crying and praying and in between sobs telling Daisy how much I love her. The weird thing about this whole thing, is she acts FINE! Other than being more clogged up than a toilet bowl, she is fine- wags her tail, eats fine, drinks fine, plays fine. So that was my Wednesday morning.

#2: I got to work on Wednesday morning around 10:30, when my 2 bosses called me into their office. They had me shut the door (never a good sign), and asked how Daisy was. Well, the whole Daisy thing being so fresh, I started crying (and was so embarrassed), and began to tell them everything. If they could understand me through my sobs, I have no clue, but I told them the story non the less and apologized for the crying. They are the best bosses and were so sympathetic (my 1 boss having 2 mini dauschy's of her own), and didn't seem to mind that I was crying. After I dried my tears and sucked it up, they began to tell me: they were laying me off and were giving me 2 weeks to look for another job (the dears). The began to explain that it was NOTHING that I did (I should hope not, as I think I've bent over backwards trying to prove myself a hard worker), and it was just something they had to do to cut back their expenses because....THEY WERE BEING SUED...by a HUGE company. I won't say who, just for confidentiality reasons. After them explaining and reassuring me, it was nothing I did, my boss (with the 2 dauchsies), offered me a job as a nanny for her 2 year old daughter. I've met her 2 year old when she's brought her into work, and she is a doll, and her and I get along well (who doesn't get along with a 2 year old?), so she said it was something she wants me to consider. She would match whatever I was making at my current job even. It was just SO much on my plate at once that day: Daisy and my job and possible other job opportunities, that caused me to start cracking. Later in the day, my bosses held a meeting with the whole office and told them the news at that everyone should start looking for jobs, because they all may be going under. I left early that day, and came home to Nick and told him everything. I tried to show him the silver lining (the nanny position) and keep an upbeat positive even though inside I was breaking apart FAST! Wednesday can SUCK it, cause it was horrible.

#3 The lab results came back for Daisy Thursday night- they came back inconclusive which meant that the lab techs couldn't find enough evidence that it was a cancer mass or an abscess. So the vet recommended that he puts her under, and performs surgery to go in there and see what exactly is going on and if it's an abscess, he wants to clean it out. On Wednesday, he sent me home with some antibiotics for her, so that if it was an infection, it could be healed. Well praise God cause Both Thursday night and Friday morning, she took MASSIVE poops. I have never been so happy to have my dog poop and I'm sure my neighbors looked at me like I was crazy, when I was praising Daisy on the lawn for taking a huge dump. And Daisy...she looked relieved! I mean who wouldn't be?! So Friday I called the vet back (After talking with N on Thursday night), and told him to schedule the surgery for 1 week (next Friday), because she was pooping and I wanted to see what happened the next week, before we just go in and do the surgery. The surgery also scares me for these reasons: her being the age she is (Even tho it's young for a dachshund), surgery is a big deal and her body may/may not bounce back from it, and also to do surgery is more money we gotta shell out. Which is fine: we have a dog, we have the responsibility to pay for what they need.

#4- Money is crazy tight right now and while I think that's normal in today's economy, N and I are used to living a lifestyle where it isn't. I don't mean to make that sound like we are rolling in diamonds and wiping our asses with Benjamin's, but in NC, our jobs allowed us to not really have to worry about what we were spending money on. If he wanted a new $50 XBOX game 2 times a month, he could do it, and if I wanted my hair done every other month, I could do it. So the normal day of money stresses had me really down in the dumps. Thankfully, N has decided to take the reigns out of my hands with handling finances (he is SO much better than I), and from what he's told me, his "budgeting" plans seem way better than anything I could think of. Not only that, but he is planning on slowly transitioning us to living on 1 paycheck so when we DO have a baby, we will have a nice little nest egg built up and it won't be such a shock when we are only bringing in 1 person's income.

So there you have it folks, the things that have been stressing me out. On Thursday night, it was really my breaking point and I honestly didn't not like my life at that given moment. I wanted so badly to escape it. It reminded me of the scene in Forrest Gump where Jenny is praying "Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far far away from here". Everything- the finances, my job, mine and N's security with jobs, Daisy, all just came crashing down, and always being the cheery "it's okay!" positive person, can ware somebody out! My body has been so exhausted, I have to admit, I haven't even gone to the gym in the past 2 days. I'm going today AND tomorrow for sure and then N and I are switching our run/rides to Mondays, so I'll be doing about 7 miles on Mondays. Today I think a nice sweaty run will do me good and cleanse my mind and soul (and burn calories, AY-O!).

The job situation still has me a little stressed out, but I plan on doing a lot of soul searching and thinking if I want to take my boss up on her nanny offer. She wants to talk about it on Monday, so I need to figure it out. Also, yesterday I got a call from a hiring agency I've worked with, and they said there is a position they are submitting me for that's a 4 month contract as a receptionist. The normal lady is on maternity leave and my agent told me that 70% of the time when mothers go on maternity leave, they never come back......I plan on being part of that 70% when my time comes, that's for sure!

Through it all, I have been relying on my faith in God to provide, because He always does and knowing that, I know everything will okay. I have to know He is going to carry me through the dark times, and as a sinner (aka human being), it's hard and it's a struggle at times.

As always thanks for listening, and I promise to be a little more uppity, but since this blog is an online diary, I thought it best to keep it honest and open.